The scariest night of my life.

I knew there was a reason that I started to write this blog. I had a teacher named Ms.Torgi tell me once I was going to be a writer. I told her “ never I hate writing. I love to read” and I've read ever since. About a week ago I got the strong urge to write a blog. Usually when I experience racism it's funny something I can make a joke about. A sneer, being called Niggra by an 80 year old man, maybe a 50 year old woman calling my colored and telling me how she's not racist, because she has black friends. 70% of white people I've every met have manage to call me a nigger in some way shape or form. Whether it was outright calling me a nigger in a jokingly manner, or claiming me as “my nigga” like I was owned by them. For some reason I've always played along, and I'll be the first “nigga” to tell you racism isn't as bad as it used to be. Friday night I experienced racism, real racism, pure hatred in the small town of Livingston,MT. This was the scariest night of my life.

I work as a food vendor, I love my job, I have a blast, I've traveled all the way to Montana just to work as a food vendor, I've done and seen the most amazing things fire dancers at Hulabaloo, hooper's at Mother of Earth Festival. I sat in the hot springs and rode horses at LoLo. This has been the best summer of my entire life and I'm 32 years old, until that night..

Me and a co-worker were up talking after a long day. It was his first day and I was telling him what a fun job this was. We noticed a car pull up and paid it no mind, at first well I didn't. I was in the process of showing off one of my souvenir’s from another event when I noticed a commotion. The car that had pulled up earlier dropped off 3 people a young male and girl, and an older man. The younger male is who had attracted my attention he was aggressively trying to come towards me and my coworker, while the girl was trying to hold him back the whole time saying no just go home or words to that affect. At first, I just saw him I couldn't hear what he was saying, so I asked my co-worker if he was talking to me and he said “yeah he is”. So I turned the light of my phone on and started walking towards the group, the older male who up until now was watching idly,started towards me telling me I needed to turn my light off. His tone of voice suggested that I was the one causing problems and he would have no problem physically making me turn my light out. So not wanting to make trouble, I put my phone in my pocket and asked him directly. “is he talking to me”. The younger male by now is close enough to answer and he says “yeah I'm talking to you fucking faggot”. My response was asking who are you to which he said “I'm Scotty”. You have to understand at this time I'm completely confused and still trying to piece together what I did to Scotty and why he's trying to fight me. So I said “Scotty. Do I know you?” “Nah you don't know me fucking nigger”. So I tell the older male you need to get this guy out of here, to which he just stood there with his arms crossed So I said “who are you? And he says I'm one of the manager's of the campground. So of course I ask “what's your name?” No answer, he just kept watching the young woman try to restrain the younger man. So I tell him if you don't get this guy away from me I'm calling the police. Because I paid my money to be here and don't want to be harassed in the middle of the night. The whole time Scotty is spouting racial epithets and trying to get closer to me. I'm not going to get any help from the older male so, I pull out my phone and call the police. At this point I'm just angry I get 911 on the phone and they ask me the usual questions. I asked the so called manager what the address of the camp ground was,and he completely ignored me like I don't even exist I ask him several times and he never answers just like when I asked him his name. So the 911 operator is trying to talk to me too,she's trying to ask me where I'm at, when I notice a sign to a hotel next door I inform the operator and she ask me to hold. At the same time a boxer comes out of what I now know to be their trailer and starts running towards me and my co-worker. I get put on hold and the first spike of fear starts to fester I'm going to get attacked by some racists redneck's dog while on hold with the police. So my co-worker heads the dog off and yells at the girl to get her dog. Meanwhile, the police come back on the line and tells me there's two other calls ahead of me and the fear turns into a full blown panic attack , cause the situation is escalating. So while I'm on the phone with the police they arrive and the older man start's ranting and raving about how it was unnecessary for me to call the police. While he's walking away from me. The police get out of the car and ask me what happened. So once I had explained what happened the officer said “well let me go talk to them” So I walked back to my tent and called my boss to tell him there was a situation. Now I have to stop right here and explain that my boss is white and through his eyes couldn't understand the gravity of the situation. Which is what prompted my next action. I told my boss that it was not safe for me to stay here and to get me out of here and his response was:”well aren't the police there? I don't see what the problem is” the police were there, however there was a lot of commotion , screaming, and yelling and posturing by both the police and the racist group and it didn't seem like anything was getting accomplished. I wanted to go to a motel where I could lock the door, but didn't want to hear my boss say “No. I'll be fine”. I was in the middle of a nervous breakdown all I kept saying was I need to get out of here. I couldn't come up with any ideas. For once, I just needed my boss to tell me what to do to get out of there, because I couldn't function. My boss told me to give the phone to my co-worker so I did. They talked and I guess my boss and him came up with a plan. I don't know I was crying in the middle of a field. The I saw something that terrified me. The police was getting into his car and driving away. I ran up to the car and thru tears pouring from my eyes I asked the police”Are you leaving?” and he nodded his head. I fell apart. I begged him not to leave. “please my boss is trying to get me out of here” anything I could say. All I could think was if this officer left I would never see my boys again. He saw how scared I was and got out of the car. I immediately went and started tearing down camp. They figured out a safe place for me to go somewhere that had 24 hour guards and no one could bother me. The whole time I was packing the older man was trying to approach me and the police were heading him off. All I could hear was something about either we owe them some money or they owe us some. The officer kept telling him he doesn't want your money, he just wants to leave go to bed or you'll be arrested. He was right I just wanted out of there. The problem was my co-worker was riding a motorcycle and we had way to much stuff. So they officer's loaded all of our stuff in the back of his car and took us somewhere safe.

I used to think racism was funny. I mean after all they're just words I can tell the most racist jokes with the best of them. I've let white people call me nigger and laughed about it. People that would call me their friend and in the next sentence slur me in the worst way imaginable. I thought I was doing something for race relations by allowing it. Taking the power away by not letting it affect me. That is complete and absolute bullshit. Never again, never again will I get in a circle of white people and tell racist jokes. Never again will I allow anyone to call me a nigger or even say it to me. When people bring up racism to show how forward thinking they are I'll stop them right there. Because those are the worst kinds. They allow you in their house and talk about how they aren't racist so they can call you a nigger to your face. My boss told me not to allow this to change how I think or who I am. Don't let one redneck change how you think about Montana or white people. Well what he doesn't understand is it did change me how I think, how I feel because I'm a black man. I'm no one's nigger.

At the end of every blog I write the words Carpe Diem. In Latin it means “seize the day” I've used this as a personal mantra. Because everyday you can learn something and that's what I want for my blog for people to learn something every time I write.I don't know what you will take from this one but my hope is it changes who you are and how you think about racism White, Black, Asian. It doesn't matter who or what you are NEVER let anyone disrespect your heritage. That is the only way racism will be stopped not by sweeping it under the rug and making jokes about it. Carpe Diem and God Bless.

How I ended up homeless. The story of a judicial travesty.

Hello my fellow reader's,
Tonight I will be telling you the story of how I became homeless. I wanted to start my series of blog's with this story because in large it had a great affect on the person I am today, even though it happened four short year's ago. My experience living on the streets of San Antonio,TX not only gave me the direction to know what I want to do with my life, but also gave me a perspective on the homeless population of american society that I never had before. Not all homeless citizens are bums and beggars, some are hard working people that got hit over the head with life so to speak. Think about all the victims of Hurricane Katrina. I'm sure there were many successful people who were enjoying the fruits of their hard work and effort, only to have their lives torn apart in one fell swoop. So I'm hoping my story will make you think next time you see a man pushing a shopping cart loaded with all his worldly possession's or a bag lady holding a cup out for your spare change just about how lucky you are.
  In 2006 I was working for a company(which I will not name) in Bridgeport,TX I was making great money, however I lived in Denton,TX which was an hour away. Every morning I would get a ride from someone ( who I will not name) who also had a drug problem. For three day's my ride didn't show because of drugs, and being as how I was a brand new father I felt to be responsible I needed a stable income that didn't depend on someone else. So I quit and got three jobs to try to compensate for the lack of income( what can I say I was young). Needless to say I got burned out and still fell short. I ended up having to make one of the hardest decision's in my life. I moved away from my son 3 days before his first birthday, back to my mother's house in California, so I could try to get back on my feet.
 Meanwhile, back in Texas one of my former co-workers decided to steal 6 handwritten payroll checks from my former employer. The problem was (besides the fact he was a thief) he filled them out using my name and tried to cash them. So the State of Texas decided to pursue legal action and put a warrant out for my arrest, with minimal investigation. Herein lies travesty number one, had the investigator done the smallest amount of detective work he would have seen that I was innocent of the charge and the whole situation would have been               avoided, at best would have seen me as a victim of identity theft (which is what I was).
 So, back to California. I get into an altercation with my mother's husband and the police end up being called. After determining that there was no crime committed, the officer's decide to run my license where ( you guessed it) the warrant pops up. So I get arrested and have no earthly clue as to why. I fought the extradition order to no avail for ten day's and get extradited back to Texas with nothing more then the clothes on my back and my driver's license. I spend 7 month's in jail because I refused to plea bargain. I had an excellent public defender who saw my innocence right away and started preparing for trial. By the time the day came we were supposed to pick a jury I was ready for a fight. But alas, to quote my lawyer " You're going to have your day in court but it won't be today, the DA dropped the case". I was ecstatic after spending most of the year in jail my fight was finally over, or so I thought.
I went back to my cell and pack everything I had acquired in jail which amounted to a paper sack full of possession's and waited to be released.All I was looking forward to was seeing my son.I felt like I had made a mistake moving to California. After hour's of waiting, I called the guard and asked what the hold up was, I was after all a free man. When the guard came back I was told there was a hold on me in Bexar County. I had never heard or Bexar County and had no clue where it was let alone have committed any crime there. At this point let me back up.
 Before I went to jail. I had written a check for my child support, which had bounced. Because all child support for my region goes through Bexar County that's where the bounced check case ended up.
 So once again I was waiting to be transported to yet another jail (this would have been my 3rd one). I talk to the judge and even though I was a flight risk I had no contacts, no job, no relatives, no reason to stay in San Antonio and every reason to leave, he let me go on my own recognizance to get the necessary paperwork to show that I had paid ( I ended up being wrong and having to pay it again) and there it was I was released from jail to the streets of San Antonio to find my way. No clothes, money, job, car, house, friends, absolutely nothing but my own wits and the ingrained human will to survive.
 Now a lot of people may see this story and lose faith in the american judicial system DON'T. It by in large works. Yes, there are a lot of mistakes but any system created by humans can and will be flawed. The majority of people in jail deserve to be there. Anyone who has been to jail can ask. Did I do anything to cause me to be in this situation I'm in? and if they are honest with themselves, the answer is probably yes. Think about it, if you didn't speed would you ever get a speeding ticket? Probably not. So you can't blame the cop for pulling you over. Blame yourself for speeding. So I'm not bitter at being in jail. I hold no grudges for the people who did there jobs. I actually got along with the guards at the Denton County Jail, they treated me like a human being and not an animal in a cage. I also will be the first person to call the police if need be.
 Besides some good did come out of it. I realized what I wanted to do with my life, what my purpose is so to speak. I want to help the homeless. I also met the mother of my second born son, though unlikely while homeless on a bus. I have gained a much more understanding of how the decisions i make affect me and other's around me and have become a better man able to whether any storm I face. After all what can be worse then being thrown in jail for a crime you didn't commit and being released on the streets. Everything else pales in comparison.
 I hope you find some use from this story. In the future I will write about my actual experiences on the street's. So please continue to read. Carpe Diem (Seize the Day) and God Bless.

My Introduction.

Hi my name is Martin Jackson. This is my first blog so I'm just trying to give you an introduction to what to expect from future blogs. My life read's like a storybook. I've been in the military, homeless, in jail for a crime I didn't commit, and much, much, more. I also think my unique experience has given me a perspective on life that any and everyone can learn from, whether the mistakes I've made or triumphs. So not only will I tell you about my life, past,present,and future, but I'm gonna tell you what I think about EVERYTHING(hence the reason for the name).I'm hoping what I write people find interesting,sad, sometimes funny, but most of all helpful, and if you don't, don't worry I'll write a blog about people like you to at some point lol.
So here we go I'm going to tell you a little about who I am and why i think you should hear what I have to say. I'm a currently a traveling food vendor, as well as President of a failing non-profit organization to help the homeless. I'm 32 years old and I'm in love with me( in other words I love the person I am) I've never been married, but I have 2 boys Wysdom Isaiah(7) and Kai Riley (2). I want to run my own corporation one day(owning a business is small thinking in my opinion). I was raised in California and spent much of my childhood in group homes and such places. In someways I'm still a big kid. I have a horrible temper(I'll be blogging on anger management).I also think love exist in this horribly divorce ridden country and I want to write a book proving it. So as you can see there is a wide range of topics that I can and will blog about and if you want to hear my opinion on anything, well that's what I'm here for, send me a comment or email and I'll be happy to let you know what I think, like it or not. Well that's all I'm going to write about for now, so I hope you subscribe and I'll be looking forward to hearing your comments. Carpe Diem.