The scariest night of my life.

I knew there was a reason that I started to write this blog. I had a teacher named Ms.Torgi tell me once I was going to be a writer. I told her “ never I hate writing. I love to read” and I've read ever since. About a week ago I got the strong urge to write a blog. Usually when I experience racism it's funny something I can make a joke about. A sneer, being called Niggra by an 80 year old man, maybe a 50 year old woman calling my colored and telling me how she's not racist, because she has black friends. 70% of white people I've every met have manage to call me a nigger in some way shape or form. Whether it was outright calling me a nigger in a jokingly manner, or claiming me as “my nigga” like I was owned by them. For some reason I've always played along, and I'll be the first “nigga” to tell you racism isn't as bad as it used to be. Friday night I experienced racism, real racism, pure hatred in the small town of Livingston,MT. This was the scariest night of my life.

I work as a food vendor, I love my job, I have a blast, I've traveled all the way to Montana just to work as a food vendor, I've done and seen the most amazing things fire dancers at Hulabaloo, hooper's at Mother of Earth Festival. I sat in the hot springs and rode horses at LoLo. This has been the best summer of my entire life and I'm 32 years old, until that night..

Me and a co-worker were up talking after a long day. It was his first day and I was telling him what a fun job this was. We noticed a car pull up and paid it no mind, at first well I didn't. I was in the process of showing off one of my souvenir’s from another event when I noticed a commotion. The car that had pulled up earlier dropped off 3 people a young male and girl, and an older man. The younger male is who had attracted my attention he was aggressively trying to come towards me and my coworker, while the girl was trying to hold him back the whole time saying no just go home or words to that affect. At first, I just saw him I couldn't hear what he was saying, so I asked my co-worker if he was talking to me and he said “yeah he is”. So I turned the light of my phone on and started walking towards the group, the older male who up until now was watching idly,started towards me telling me I needed to turn my light off. His tone of voice suggested that I was the one causing problems and he would have no problem physically making me turn my light out. So not wanting to make trouble, I put my phone in my pocket and asked him directly. “is he talking to me”. The younger male by now is close enough to answer and he says “yeah I'm talking to you fucking faggot”. My response was asking who are you to which he said “I'm Scotty”. You have to understand at this time I'm completely confused and still trying to piece together what I did to Scotty and why he's trying to fight me. So I said “Scotty. Do I know you?” “Nah you don't know me fucking nigger”. So I tell the older male you need to get this guy out of here, to which he just stood there with his arms crossed So I said “who are you? And he says I'm one of the manager's of the campground. So of course I ask “what's your name?” No answer, he just kept watching the young woman try to restrain the younger man. So I tell him if you don't get this guy away from me I'm calling the police. Because I paid my money to be here and don't want to be harassed in the middle of the night. The whole time Scotty is spouting racial epithets and trying to get closer to me. I'm not going to get any help from the older male so, I pull out my phone and call the police. At this point I'm just angry I get 911 on the phone and they ask me the usual questions. I asked the so called manager what the address of the camp ground was,and he completely ignored me like I don't even exist I ask him several times and he never answers just like when I asked him his name. So the 911 operator is trying to talk to me too,she's trying to ask me where I'm at, when I notice a sign to a hotel next door I inform the operator and she ask me to hold. At the same time a boxer comes out of what I now know to be their trailer and starts running towards me and my co-worker. I get put on hold and the first spike of fear starts to fester I'm going to get attacked by some racists redneck's dog while on hold with the police. So my co-worker heads the dog off and yells at the girl to get her dog. Meanwhile, the police come back on the line and tells me there's two other calls ahead of me and the fear turns into a full blown panic attack , cause the situation is escalating. So while I'm on the phone with the police they arrive and the older man start's ranting and raving about how it was unnecessary for me to call the police. While he's walking away from me. The police get out of the car and ask me what happened. So once I had explained what happened the officer said “well let me go talk to them” So I walked back to my tent and called my boss to tell him there was a situation. Now I have to stop right here and explain that my boss is white and through his eyes couldn't understand the gravity of the situation. Which is what prompted my next action. I told my boss that it was not safe for me to stay here and to get me out of here and his response was:”well aren't the police there? I don't see what the problem is” the police were there, however there was a lot of commotion , screaming, and yelling and posturing by both the police and the racist group and it didn't seem like anything was getting accomplished. I wanted to go to a motel where I could lock the door, but didn't want to hear my boss say “No. I'll be fine”. I was in the middle of a nervous breakdown all I kept saying was I need to get out of here. I couldn't come up with any ideas. For once, I just needed my boss to tell me what to do to get out of there, because I couldn't function. My boss told me to give the phone to my co-worker so I did. They talked and I guess my boss and him came up with a plan. I don't know I was crying in the middle of a field. The I saw something that terrified me. The police was getting into his car and driving away. I ran up to the car and thru tears pouring from my eyes I asked the police”Are you leaving?” and he nodded his head. I fell apart. I begged him not to leave. “please my boss is trying to get me out of here” anything I could say. All I could think was if this officer left I would never see my boys again. He saw how scared I was and got out of the car. I immediately went and started tearing down camp. They figured out a safe place for me to go somewhere that had 24 hour guards and no one could bother me. The whole time I was packing the older man was trying to approach me and the police were heading him off. All I could hear was something about either we owe them some money or they owe us some. The officer kept telling him he doesn't want your money, he just wants to leave go to bed or you'll be arrested. He was right I just wanted out of there. The problem was my co-worker was riding a motorcycle and we had way to much stuff. So they officer's loaded all of our stuff in the back of his car and took us somewhere safe.

I used to think racism was funny. I mean after all they're just words I can tell the most racist jokes with the best of them. I've let white people call me nigger and laughed about it. People that would call me their friend and in the next sentence slur me in the worst way imaginable. I thought I was doing something for race relations by allowing it. Taking the power away by not letting it affect me. That is complete and absolute bullshit. Never again, never again will I get in a circle of white people and tell racist jokes. Never again will I allow anyone to call me a nigger or even say it to me. When people bring up racism to show how forward thinking they are I'll stop them right there. Because those are the worst kinds. They allow you in their house and talk about how they aren't racist so they can call you a nigger to your face. My boss told me not to allow this to change how I think or who I am. Don't let one redneck change how you think about Montana or white people. Well what he doesn't understand is it did change me how I think, how I feel because I'm a black man. I'm no one's nigger.

At the end of every blog I write the words Carpe Diem. In Latin it means “seize the day” I've used this as a personal mantra. Because everyday you can learn something and that's what I want for my blog for people to learn something every time I write.I don't know what you will take from this one but my hope is it changes who you are and how you think about racism White, Black, Asian. It doesn't matter who or what you are NEVER let anyone disrespect your heritage. That is the only way racism will be stopped not by sweeping it under the rug and making jokes about it. Carpe Diem and God Bless.